EVA Sessions: A Very Bad Idea
by Gob Hobblin
Summary: In the war against the Angels, many weapons are devised and attempted. Some are quite successful. Some are not. Some are abject disasters. This is one of those attempts.


**Notes from GobHobblin: **This grew out of a conversation with xanderkh over on the Eva Geeks forums, as well as a combination of me seeing a hilarious football ad...and the Quaaludes scene from _The Wolf of Wall Street_. And, to be honest, I think all of us who have had medical procedures involving anesthetics of one sort or another can...sort of relate.

Kind of, not really...

Basically, it's xanderkh's fault. I blame him for everything. Everything!

_Neon Genesis Evangelion_ and its characters are the property of GAINAX and Hideaki Anno.

* * *

"You wanna run that by me again?"

"We've been experimenting with a methaqualone derivative bundled into the LCL of the Children's pods," Ritsuko explained again, patiently. "You're behind the loop on this, Misato. I've already run the batch with all three Children in the past week with no discernible side effects. Why do you think they've been so helpful during the sims?"

"Frankly, I thought they were conspiring to creep me out," Misato admitted, and then remembered she was angry. "Wait, hold on: you're telling me that, _without_ informing me, you went ahead and doped the kids on Q_uaaludes_?"

"…How do you know what Quaaludes are?" Ristuko asked.

"I had a very different college experience than you did," Misato said, deflecting the question. "And stop changing the subject!"

Ritsuko picked up a folder from her desk and handed it to the Ops Director. "It's not Quaaludes. That's the brand name...this is a methaqualone-derivative, a separate compound based on the original. Frankly, in its original state, it would be useless for what we need. Having an emotional retardant is useful, as well as something to increase suggestibility in the subject, but the numbness, the photophobia, impaired speech, the aphrodisia…." Ritsuko stopped, and looked up at Misato. She grinned. "Oh, I see."

"Moving on!" Misato snapped, burying her nose into the folder so she wouldn't have to look at Ritsuko.

"All of that would be _very_ detrimental in a combat environment. Now, some countries were working with combat psychotropics and things of that nature in the immediate aftermath of Second Impact, and Austria…of all places…came up with what is arguably the more effective one using…."

"Quaaludes."

"Yep, at least as a foundation. Factored out most the side-effects to increase the more…useful parts." Ritsuko lit a cigarette. "It's not a combat drug, though…they bundle it into the food served to basic recruits and soldiers undergoing training."

"And no side effects?" Misato gave Ritsuko a pointed glare.

"Of course there are side effects: they're just in too small a test population for anyone to care."

"And you've been _doping_ the kids with this stuff?"

"No, Misato, of course not," Ritsuko said. She tapped a key on her computer, and a diagram of several hexagons appeared on her monitor. "I've been using _this_ stuff."

"What is it?"

"Our own special blend, designed to bond with LCL molecules. We made a point to try mitigate the side effects even more, and it's been successful."

"For a week!" Misato protested. "How long are pharmaceutical tests supposed to run?"

"How long do we have before the next extinction level event?" Ritsuko asked. "Ah, that's right, we don't know because it could happen in the next _fifteen minutes_!"

"Who authorized this?"

"Who do you think?" Ritsuko said. "The same man who came up with the idea."

"…Of course." Misato tossed the folder roughly onto the table. "And now you're saying, 'Great test, let's put this into production?'"

"No, we need another test. We've seen the Children react to it positively in a controlled environment. In the Plugs. We have to do it in the Evas."

"…Okay." Misato was rubbing her eyes, clearly unhappy with the direction this conversation was going. "Who's first?"

"All of them."

"…This little chat must be stressing me more than I thought. I could have sworn you just said 'All of them.'"

"We've already wasted a week on this," Ritsuko said. "It's do or die. We need to see how they react to this stuff as quickly as possible. So, all of them need to be suited up and in their Evas, and on the Trial Field as soon as possible."

"Ritusko…Ritz, Ritz, listen to me: you cannot…_cannot_…have all three of our Pilots in their Evas at the same time testing an _experimental drug_. What if an Angel attacks? Huh? What are we going to use to fight it?"

"Frankly, it's a risk we need to take, and I have the Commander's backing," Ritsuko said. "The Children are becoming non-compliant. We have a way to increase their combat effectiveness, and you've seen what we're facing. It's going to get worse. We need soldiers, Misato, not children, and if this makes them soldiers faster, we need to test it quickly."

"Ritsuko…I am _begging_ you…."

"The decision has been made, Major." Misato glared at Ritsuko for a moment, and then stormed out of her office.

* * *

"This is such a stupid idea," Misato mumbled, leaning against the central pylon of the South Observation Tower. It had been turned into an on-site command and control center, giving them a good view of the three Evangelion supported in mobile hanger gantries.

"It shouldn't be a problem," Maya murmured, tapping at the keyboard in front of her as she began activating each Evas' on-board systems. "I mean, what's the worst that could hap—" She sat up in shock as an arm draped across her shoulders. Swallowing, she turned slightly to see Misato's face looming cheerfully next to hers.

"Maya," Misato said, "I think it would be impossible for anyone on this command team to _not_ know that there was something in those Plugs."

"A…Aside from the LCL?" the young lieutenant said cautiously.

"Mm-hmm."

"…It would be very difficult, yes."

"And I know that _someone_ on this team works _very_ closely with Dr. Akagi."

"…Uh…some…sometimes." A single bead of sweat ran down Maya's face.

"…That _someone_ wouldn't be keeping information from her Ops Director, right? Because that would be _awful_!"

"That would be terrible! It would be a…breach of trust!" Maya blushed furiously. Misato continued to smile.

"Go around my back again, and I'll lock you in a chest, in a maintenance closet, for however long I decide you need to _think_ about it," Misato said, still smiling. Maya turned white.

"My…my big sister used to do that to me," she whimpered.

"Oh, I wonder where I got the idea from?" Misato said. She tightened her arm on Maya's shoulder, causing the lieutenant to squeak in alarm, before standing up. She turned and glared at Hyuga. "What about you?"

"I know nothing, ma'am," he said. "Nor did I see you threaten to discipline a subordinate in an inhumane way."

"I know about your fear of—"

"I know nothing, ma'am!" he said more loudly. Misato squinted, and nodded to herself. She sighed.

"Bring up the Pilots," she said. Hyuga toggled some keys, and the three kids appeared on a shared monitor. Shinji looked morose, Asuka looked bored, Rei looked…Rei.

"Okay, so…kids," Misato began. "We're going to be…trying something today. No fancy stuff, no…nothing. Just take the Evas for a walk, tell us how you feel…all of that."

"This is stupid," Asuka started. "This is basic stuff! We should be doing something more advanced."

"Unfortunately, the system we are testing is not ready for that, yet. So, please…let's just take it easy, okay?" Misato pleaded.

"Yes, Misato," Shinji said obediently.

"I understand," Rei said. Asuka said nothing.

"Asuka?" Misato said.

"Fine! Fine!" the girl muttered. Misato nodded, and cut the comm lines.

"Okay…just…start…whatever it is you have to start."

"Bundling the reagent now," Maya said, tapping her keyboard. And that was when things got interesting.

* * *

For three minutes, no contact was made with the Evas, lest the kids somehow _accidentally_ get wind of what was happening. That was Ritsuko's directive, of _course_. They _were_ being monitored: up in the Sky Section over the field, Ritsuko watched the kids herself. Here, Misato just sat, twiddled her fingers, and waited for the next phase of the test to begin.

"These are…very strange readings," Maya finally murmured.

"What?"

"They aren't the same physical readings we got from before," the lieutenant said. "They're…more erratic." She blinked. "The sync rates are stronger than normal, at least, but…." Misato did not like that expression on Maya's face. Hyuga chimed in.

"There is a _lot_ of traffic going back and forth between One and Two. Zero has an open line, but…not much going out." Misato squinted, and glared at the Evas.

"Open a comm line," she said.

"But…we aren't supposed to—" Impatiently, Misato leaned past Hyuga and keyed up the line herself. The kids came back up on the monitor.

Shinji appeared to be fighting a losing battle with staying awake, as his eyes independently opened and closed from each other. His head wobbled forwards and backwards, and occasionally, he would say…something. Not intelligible, but he was making a grand effort. Asuka was giggling and batting at the general area where Shinji and Rei's images would be hanging in space in front of her. Rei was…Rei.

And Misato was _shocked_.

"Kids?" she asked, grabbing a microphone. "Hey, what's going on?"

"Miii…Miii-SAA-to!" Shinji declared, waking up sharply. "I need to…tell…." He became distracted by something off-screen. "Ruurporting…sinnkkerra…sinnknno…sink….slinnnkk…." Asuka began laughing harder at Shinji's attempts to communicate, snorking every five seconds.

"You sound, you sound, you sound so STOOOO-PID, ba…ba…ba…." She stopped speaking, having become entranced by a light on her console. After a few seconds fixating on it, she began squealing with delight.

For a moment, Misato's brain stopped working. The command center was silent as everyone stared at the three Evas, imagining the doped-up Pilots inside. Turning to a second computer, Misato keyed up Ritsuko's monitor in the Sky Section. It winked on, to reveal Ritsuko staring slack-jawed at her own board.

"Ritz!" Misato hissed. The scientist turned towards the pickup.

"This is unexpected," Ritsuko said.

"_Ritz_!"

"There must be…something wrong with the batch!" she gasped, glancing at the monitors. "But I don't know what it could be! It's the exact same composition we used in the simulations—"

"Was the LCL being pumped through an _Evangelion_ at the time!?" Misato snapped.

"…Oh, God, the Evas. We didn't consider the _Evas_," Ritsuko moaned.

"You…didn't consider…_the Evas!?_" Misato grabbed the monitor, because it was the only way she could possibly strangle Ritsuko at the moment. "_You didn't consider the Evas!?_"

"Look, _Rei_ seems to be doing fine. She's not acting in any…aberrant way," Ritsuko snapped. Misato glanced over her shoulder. Shinji was singing some pre-school song, complete with hand motions.

"See the little go-blin, see his little nose!" he was chanting. Asuka was exploring her face with her hands, her expression one of slack-jawed euphoria.

"This…feels…a-_may_-zing…," she sang.

Rei was Rei.

"What _about_ Rei?" Misato hissed.

"Let's send her out and…see what happens," Ritsuko said.

"See…what…_happens_? We need to cancel this test while we're ahead!"

"Just humor me!" Her eye twitching, Misato whirled.

"Tell Rei to walk!" she yelled.

"Unit Zero, we're releasing your restraints. Take a few steps forward," Hyuga ordered, as Maya obligingly disengaged Zero from the gantry. For a few seconds, nothing happened. Then, slowly…grandly, even…Unit Zero began to lean forward…forward…and then tipped and landed face first into the dirt with a thunderous clap. It was like watching a tree fall. The silence returned to the control room as everyone stared in disbelief. Presently, the Eva began trying to draw its legs…and nothing else…up under it. The scraping and scratching roar of the knees gouging into the earth filled the air as the Eva succeeded in pushing its rump skyward.

It then stopped, seemingly satisfied with its half-hearted attempt to move. "First Child," Hyuga said, "Is everything…okay?"

Without changing her expression, Rei declared, in a very loud voice, "Cccciiirrccless…aaaarrrreeee….thhhe BBBBBBEESSSTT!" It was at this point she began to slowly drift up and away from her crash couch, carried by the new direction of gravity. She made no attempt to right herself.

"Sweet God," Misato mumbled. "She's tossed it. Do you see that, Ritz? They're all high as kites and inside _humanity's most dangerous weapons_!"

"I can see how you would consider this a problem—" Ritsuko began.

"It is a problem! A very big problem!"

"Shinji, you should…you should…you should come over here! Come over here!" Asuka chanted, scrubbing furiously at her face with one hand and trying to apparently pull Shinji through his comm feed. In the course of this, her hand strayed to her scalp, and her eyes widened. "Oh, my God…that feels like table."

"I have to siiinngg…about the goblin!" Shinji declared, and remembered at that moment he had hands. "I am going…to crush your head now." He began closing them together, squinting through them.

"Don't do…don't do that!" Asuka wailed. "I need my head!"

"CIRCLES ARE THE BEST!" Rei bellowed. She was now sideways relative to the camera feed. As if to emphasize the point, Unit Zero began to push its head into the ground.

"…We need to cancel this," Misato said. She turned back to Ritsuko, when a second comm line opened. She blinked in shock and dismay as the glowering face of Commander Ikari appeared on the comm. "Sir!" she said.

For a long time, the Commander said nothing. Finally, he sagged in his chair. "This was a very stupid idea," he said.

"Please, sir, can we _please_ cancel this test?" Misato begged.

"Yes, we're…we're not learning anything from this," he grumped. "Go ahead and—" He stopped talking as Unit One tore free from the gantry, sprinted at top speed across the Trial Field, and collided face first with the far wall.

"Oh, my God!" Shinji screamed, "_The sky is attacking me_!"

"Maya, don't you think it'd be a good frigging time to sever their sync connections!?" Misato roared.

"I did!" Maya protested. "They aren't responding to me anymore!" As she spoke, Unit Two lurched free from its moorings, spun in place for a bit, and then marched back into the gantry. It shattered, collapsing like a stack of straws.

"Shinji! Shinji…The thing broke! _The thing…broke_!" Asuka warned. Unit Two extended an arm to gesture, taking out on last, standing portion of the gantry and sending it sailing away towards the GeoFront's lake.

"CIRCLES…ARE…THE BEST!" Rei continued to chant. She seemed to realize she was no longer on her crash couch, so awkwardly she squirmed back towards it. She grabbed the headrest, snuggled up to it, and decided that was good enough.

Unit One was windmilling its arms over near the dent it had created. "Stay back, sky!" Shinji screamed. "Stay back!" Misato's mind was racing: at this rate, they didn't _need_ an Angel to attack. The kids would do a sufficient job of destroying the GeoFront all by themselves. Marching over to their monitor, Misato grabbed the mike.

"Children! Sit!" she snapped in her best command voice. Unit Two put ass to earth obediently. Unit One threw one of its legs in the air and somersaulted head first into the ground, but did not get up again.

Unit Zero continued to tee-pee its backside to the sky.

"Stay there, and don't move," Misato warned. "Or…th-the sky will eat Shinji."

"No!" Shinji whined.

"But the thing broke! _How can we stop the sky if the thing is broken_!?" Asuka screamed in terror.

"CIRCLES ARE THE BEST!" Rei pleaded.

"Shinji, teach the girls the song about the goblin and the sky won't eat you," Misato snapped, and cut the mike, as well as the sound from the Pilots. She stood back and rubbed her face. "I cannot _believe_ I corralled my Pilots in that way."

"It was pretty fast thinking," Hyuga said. "I mean…they are calming down. Sort of." Shinji looked _extremely serious_ as he explained the song and the motions using limbs that didn't want to obey him, and fingers that looked like they were trying to escape from his hands. Asuka was giggling and clapping. Rei was squinting one eye and practically gnawing on her bottom lip in concentration, trying to mimic Shinji's motions with equally-unruly hands.

Misato shook her head, and marched back to the three-way comm conversation with the Commander and Ritsuko. "What…is…happening!?" she grated, staring at Ritsuko.

"…The only thing I can figure is that, _somehow_, the Evangelion units are the cause of this. Either they are…enhancing the effects of the reagent, or introducing new side effects."

"How long will this last?" Commander Ikari asked.

"I have no idea, sir. This is…unprecedented."

"Sir, I would like to point out, that _on the record_—" Misato began.

"I know, you protested this. You're not being blamed, Major, and nor are you, Doctor. I made the call, and…." He became distracted by something, and leaned over. He eased back into the frame. "And now the Second Child is trying to eat her own hair. This is _extremely _counterproductive."

"Sir, we have to get them _out_ of the Evas and detoxed immediately," Misato was saying. "I mean, we usually have a lot of forewarning, but what if—"

"Emergency!" the wall-speakers blared. "Blue Pattern detected! Incoming Angel!"

"Oh, frigging balls!" Misato screamed, straightening up. Ritsuko slowly slinked away from her camera pickup, while the Commander grumbled and rubbed his face with his gloved hands.

* * *

After what felt like a small eternity, they had finally…_finally_…managed to guide the kids up to the surface. It had been a lurching, scuffling, sort of process, but Ritsuko was right: they were highly susceptible to suggestion at this point. The trick was not so much in getting them to move as to figure out, exactly, what commands were needed to _convince_ them to move.

Telling them to get to an emergency lift meant nothing to them. Telling them that the Evas wanted to go topside because they were sad, however, had a much different effect. Combined with the belief that the emergency lift was somehow connected to the Little Goblin made it an absolute priority to them. So, by some of the most _creative_ cajoling Misato had ever done in a military environment, she had moved three doped up children in near-omnipotent demigods from point A to point B.

She had left them there with strict orders to _sit_ as the team moved to the Bridge. When she arrived, all three were up on the screens. Asuka and Shinji were sitting with rapt attention while Rei was pontificating.

"…so squares are _deceitful_," she said. "Circles are round, though, being round is, like…not being deceitful."

"That makes so much sense to me!" Asuka declared.

"I hate squares!" Shinji added.

"We're going to die!" Aoba declared as the rest of the bridge staff joined him. He was smiling a little maniacally. "Just wanted to share that news with you! This is _how_ we're going to die! In a discussion about the trustworthiness of geometric shapes!"

"Aoba…shut up. Where's the Angel?" Misato demanded. Aoba swallowed, and typed a command sequence on his keyboard. On screen, a white, worm-like thing was dragging its long, snake-like body along the ground by two massive, elephantine legs. In the center, where a face should be, sat its baleful, ruby core. Judging by its surroundings, it was coming through the hills and following the main highway to the north of Tokyo-3.

"What has it done?" Misato asked.

"Came in from the north, no idea where," Aoba said, "Other than that, nothing. No clue as to its capabilities, strengths, weaknesses. Nothing."

"Monitor it." She glanced up at the kids, who were in the middle of a discussion concerning the unsavory qualities of shifty right angles. "Patch me in," she said to Hyuga. He keyed up the Bridge mike and nodded. "Kids!" Misato said. "There is an Angel in the area. Do you understand?"

"Yes," Asuka and Shinji said in unison. Rei blinked quietly.

"Yes," she said, and then smiled cheerfully.

"This Angel…is on the side of the squares. And maybe…rectangles?" Misato suggested. _Let's see what they do with that._

"That is an evil Angel!" Asuka said, in amazement. Her head drooped, and she fell asleep.

"Asuka!"

"Spatula!" the girl snapped, her head popping up.

"This…nasty…um…square-friendly Angel…is coming closer. We don't know what its strengths are at this time…but…." Misato teetered quietly. "_But…_we think that the three of you…_together_…can…take it."

"We are going…to _die_," Aoba enunciated quietly.

"We are…the MOST…we can…." Asuka seemed to lose track of where she was going with that thought. She smiled, and giggled. The groundside cameras gave the Bridge crew a marvelous, wide-angled shot of Unit Two reaching out and tapping Unit One's "horn" with an extended finger. "Boop!" Asuka said, and then collapsed into a fit of laughter.

"Asuka…I think you are the most…_beautiful_ girl…I have ever…been afraid of," Shinji declared, his hand suddenly flopping next to him. It distracted him immensely, and he stared at it in surprise.

"Kids, let's focus…," Misato pleaded.

"Oh, my God, I _am_ beautiful!" Asuka squealed in genuine amazement. "_I didn't know_!"

"Shinji, am I also…beauu…beauuu….uuuuuuuuuoooooo…." Rei seemed to lose focus on the point of her question, but became immensely fascinated with vowels.

"Rei, I like your boobs," Shinji said triumphantly. He was using his other hand to restrain his currently rebellious one.

"Rei! Your boobs are _circles_!" Asuka realized. "Shinji knows everything!"

"Circles are the best!" Rei agreed triumphantly.

"Kids! The Angel is going to destroy all the circles!" Misato announced.

"No!" Shinji gasped.

"That is not a nice thing to do!" Asuka realized.

"Not my circles!" Rei gasped, hugging her chest protectively.

"Yes, and _you_ have to stop them!" Misato said.

"Ma'am, they should be seeing it soon," Aoba said.

"Hey…that's new," Asuka observed, and Unit Two pointed. Unit Zero's head pitched back, then down, and finally in the direction Unit Two was pointing. Unit One punched itself in the face, and then began grinding the fist into its cheek.

"Has it done anything dangerous?" Misato asked. "Any AT-Field projections any…acid breath or anything like that."

"No," Aoba murmured. "We have no idea what it's capable of." Misato groaned, and mentally crossed every finger she could manage.

"…Should we send up any weaponry?" Hyuga asked.

In unison, everyone _not_ Hyuga turned at him and bellowed, "_No_!"

* * *

Topside, the three Evas have finally managed to focus their collective and rapidly dwindling attention on the approaching threat. Unit One was the first to become distracted, its hands playing with and tugging at the horn on its forehead. Unit Zero followed suit, deciding that its shoulder pylons were meant for hanging from. It had been making a bold effort to try and do so, both hands up and yanking on the pylons. Unit Two stood between them, still locked on the evil, circle-hating Angel.

"_Guys_! I know what to do," Asuka said. Unit Two stepped forward, bracing itself for action against the Angel. After a long, dramatic pause, it clapped its hands. "See the little goblin," Asuka giggled, and Unit Two cupped its hands over its four eyes, pantomiming a search. "See his little nose." Unit Two obediently touched the center of its face. "See his little—"

The Angel's tail whipped up and over, and slapped Unit Two contemptuously. It flew backwards between Zero and One, to land heavily against a hillside. Slowly, the other two Evas seemed to realize that something had changed, and turned to look at Two.

"…REVENGE!" Asuka screamed, and the Eva scrambled up and forward, leaping through the air. It made an impressive flight, but landed short of the Angel, face first into the ground. It began grasping above and behind it, searching for its enemy.

"REVENGE!" Asuka continued to scream. The Angel began to slowly and methodically thump Unit Two in the back of its head.

"Shinji. Shinji!" Rei said, and Unit Zero stumbled over to Unit One. "Shinji…I have a plan."

"A plan! That is good. What is the plan?" Shinji asked, so _very_ excited. He loved plans.

"We will defeat the Angel…with the power…of _friendship_!" As she spoke, Unit Zero, bolstered by its AT-Field, picked up Unit One by its armpits. It then whirled, throwing One straight at the Angel. The purple Evangelion collided and entangled itself against the creature, its power cable whipping around and lashing the two together. The Angel, in bewilderment, stumbled backward, dragging the limp Eva with it.

"Friendship is a great plan!" Shinji screamed, his face maniacal and determined. "How does it work!?"

At this point, Unit Zero picked up Unit Two, which had stopped clawing at the air. "Hey, Rei!" Asuka said. "Did my revenge work?"

"We're not doing revenge. We're doing friendship," Rei said in a whisper. "That's the new plan."

"Boop," Asuka said, as Unit Two reached out and tapped Unit Zero's face with a finger.

"Friendship," Rei declared, reaching out and thumping Unit Two's face with the palm of its hand. The Eva swayed back like a reed, and then pitched forward. Unit Two's forehead collided powerfully with Unit Zero's forehead, and the two Evas leaned heavily into each other.

"My friendship is more powerful!" Asuka cackled. Unit Two then began examining Unit Zero's head with its fingers.

Ignored by both of them, the Angel wailed in what could only be interpreted as dismay as it tried to disentangle itself from the placid Unit One. Shinji was laughing about…nothing in particular, really, when he spotted the AMAZING and RED thing right in the center of the Angel.

"Ooh! Circles _are_ the best!" he declared, and decided he _wanted_ that beautiful, red thing. The Eva obligingly reached out and plucked it straight out of the Angel's body, bolstered by what could only be described as the strength of drug-fuelled, gibbering lunacy.

The Angel shuddered and wailed, seemingly shocked that something so _ridiculous_ had resulted in its death. It squirmed in a futile effort to stay alive, before collapsing and bleeding lakes of LCL from the gaping wound where the Core had sat.

This was all ignored by Asuka and Rei, as Unit Zero slid down Unit Two's front to rest its face against the red Eva's chest. Unit Two's hands met each other in the space where Unit Zero's head had been.

"Rei! Your head has disappeared! I will try…and find it!" Asuka announced, staring intently at her Eva's fingers.

"Oh, my God!" Shinji cried, seemingly realizing that his Eva was lashed to a giant, bleeding carcass. "Circles are not good, guys! They aren't good!"

* * *

Getting the kids out of the Evas was…an experience. Not any more of an experience than what had already happened up until now, but an experience, nonetheless. What remained now was the detoxing process. Considering that they didn't entirely know _what_ was in their systems now, the safest bet they could think of was flooding their bodies with water IVs, and flush things out the old-fashioned way.

Shinji was the first to cascade down to lucid. Misato had decided to camp out in the medical wing, so she was on hand when he was moved from the Pilot's shared IV room to a recovery room. He looked awful. His hair was ragged, and the skin under his eyes was actually _blue_.

"Hey, Shinji-kun," Misato said gently, as the boy was wheeled out into the hallway. She knelt down, and scratched his head. "I can guess how you're feeling."

"I want to go home," he whimpered. Misato patted his hand.

"In a little while. We need to keep you under observation for a bit," she said. From inside the room, Asuka began yelling.

"I want…Shinji…back in here. I want…Kaji. I want Shinji! And Kaji! I want them…to fight!"

"I want a Kaji-Shinji battle," Rei added. Something sounded like it was being tipped over, and a nurse could be heard extorting the First Child to _stay in bed_.

Shinji was wheeled away, and an hour or so later, Asuka was the next to be wheeled out. She was slumped over in her chair, her eyes unfocused and a thin bead of drool hanging from her lips. Misato stopped the nurse.

"Are you sure she's…not…you know…?" Misato began.

"No, she's flushed," the nurse explained. "She's having a crash, is all."

"Is it?" Misato asked, skeptically. She leaned down. "Hey, Asuka," she cooed, "How you feeling?"

"…I wanna thorup," the girl mumbled.

"Oh, hang on," the nurse said, disappearing into the room. From inside, the sound of something clanging could be heard, and Rei was chanting that she was Wonder Girl. The nurse returned with a plastic bin, which she put on Asuka's lap. "There you go, hon!" the nurse said cheerfully.

"…fank oo…," Asuka mumbled, her head dipping forward and resting on the rim of the bucket. She then seemed to fall asleep.

Three hours later, the noises in the IV room ceased. At that time, the nurses and Misato were in the hallway having an update meeting, and they hurried into the room in alarm. Rei was standing in the center of the room, holding her IV stand and looking…Rei.

"I wanted to go for a walk," she said. "Then I…forgot how to." She burst into tears, and just as suddenly, stopped crying. "…I think I may have been chemically compromised," she deduced.

* * *

"…so, the long and short of it is, when the chemicals hit the Eva's systems, they ended up reproducing it and altering it on a mass-scale…something to do with their immune system," Misato was explaining to the Pilots. She had marched Ritsuko in earlier to apologize to the Pilots, and was now alone with them as they sat on their hospital beds. Misato insisted on explaining this part, and had chased Ritsuko out before doing so. She suspected that the scientist would try and dilute the whole thing with double-talk and scientific jargon, and she wanted the kids to hear it straight.

"That, combined with the synchronization process…you and the Evas began enhancing each other's reactions to the chemical," Misato finished.

"So…we're not doing that again?" Shinji asked, a little fearful.

"Dear God, no," Misato said flatly.

"I still feel sick," Asuka mumbled.

"I don't feel anything," Rei commented.

"Rub it in, why don't you," Asuka snapped.

"I apologize, you misunderstood…I don't feel anything at all. My body is completely numb," Rei corrected.

"Yeah, about that…because the chemical was so completely altered by each of your individual Evas, we have no real clue what the side-effects are going to be…short or long-term…." Misato teetered her hands, knowing that offered nothing like comfort at all. "You all are probably going to experience a wide variety of reactions."

As if on cue, one of Shinji's arms tried to fly away from him. He whipped his head at towards it in surprise, and used his other hand to hold it down. "See, there you go," Misato said.

"I want this to be over," Asuka whined. "Oh, my God, this is so embarrassing…."

"On that note, it might be a good time to mention that Hyuga threw together a sort of…best-hits compilation from the past nine hours," Misato said cheerfully. Shinji and Asuka stared at Misato, mortified. Rei looked mildly interested.

"So, uh…I'm gonna leave you guys with this," the Ops Director said, turning on the massive, inset television on the wall. She waved her phone near it, allowing the internal hard drive to catch the file she had prepped. An image appeared on the screen of all three kids, a composite of them in their respective Plugs.

"All right, there we go. You kids have fun, and I'll check back in a bit!" Misato hit play, and hurried out of the room.

For three hours, the kids stared at imagery of their antics, occasionally cutting away to external imagery of their Evas behaving in bizarre ways. Three hours out of what had been nine.

By the end of it, Asuka had pulled her sheets up to her nose, mortified. Shinji stared straight ahead, his face scarlet. Rei sat calmly, considering the video.

"If you think about it," she said, carefully, "Circles really are amazing."


End file.
